Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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