Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
they're like a gay fantastic four
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
