Umm I'm too high to move.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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