you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
