You're a womanizer and a bitch.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
