peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
