We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
