Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
