oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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