3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Farmville is her only friend.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
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