I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize