My hair reeks of homosexuality.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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