I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
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I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
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Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..