I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"