god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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