but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
