If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
