She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize