dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
