i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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