So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
