the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
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I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
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We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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