Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
