I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
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