if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
