I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
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she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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