Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
