conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
