how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?