dude you need to get laid
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.