i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.