Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
