Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
