you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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