dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
