When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize