She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Randomize
