this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
