take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Randomize
