Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend