It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
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