Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
