I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
