Will you blow on my dice?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
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he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
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I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."