Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.

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  (304): I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later. http://tfl.nu/jthu
  Replies (19) Good night (826) Bad night (6126)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.

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  (678): I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night. http://tfl.nu/yws8
  Replies (9) Good night (8542) Bad night (846)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?

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  (845): Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn? http://tfl.nu/bm5d
  Replies (11) Good night (6823) Bad night (1139)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.

  (631): View more from New York

  i got hit in the ear.

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  (631): these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby. (631): i got hit in the ear. http://tfl.nu/qr8z
  Replies (6) Good night (2323) Bad night (1083)
• Favorite

  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.

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  (580): Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward. http://tfl.nu/95e7
  Replies (4) Good night (1561) Bad night (437)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.

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  (720): my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am. http://tfl.nu/xw8k
  Replies (8) Good night (1406) Bad night (493)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.

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  (503): I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life. http://tfl.nu/c2dk
  Replies (14) Good night (530) Bad night (2217)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  And I can feel feelings now and they hurt

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  (978): And I can feel feelings now and they hurt http://tfl.nu/fxac
  Replies (2) Good night (826) Bad night (1239)
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.

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  (251): Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night. http://tfl.nu/kxkv
  Replies (5) Good night (497) Bad night (1335)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.

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  (615): Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy. http://tfl.nu/d7gm
  Replies (3) Good night (461) Bad night (1079)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.

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  (845): I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent. http://tfl.nu/v6g7
  Replies (9) Good night (386) Bad night (652)
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story

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  (254): Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story http://tfl.nu/vkqr
  Replies (6) Good night (1177) Bad night (480)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.

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  (330): I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs. http://tfl.nu/h6wa
  Replies (3) Good night (310) Bad night (570)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"

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  (306): dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high" http://tfl.nu/ssrm
  Replies (3) Good night (999) Bad night (267)
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  You went to a drug deal in a onesie.

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  (417): You went to a drug deal in a onesie. http://tfl.nu/7cu7
  Replies (3) Good night (852) Bad night (242)

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