Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
