Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.