Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.