the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks