Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
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i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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