he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pole danced in your parka.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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