my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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