I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
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not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
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