every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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