wat bout pragnant strippers??
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
