just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
