Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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