I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
