he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
