Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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